Tag: family

I Hope…

I visited my Mom this week.
Her life is winding down.
I sat by the side of her bed and we talked.
Small talk about the weather.
Remembering trips we took as a family.
Asking if she would like a sip of water.
In the silence between the conversations her gaze would be someplace else and I would look at her wondering where she was and what she was thinking. When I interrupted the silence and asked, her eyes would refocus on me and she would seemed surprised by the question. “I was just looking at the blankets stacked on the chair.” She said.

While I will never know
I hope, in those moments, she is someplace else.
Someplace beyond her hospital style bed.
Someplace beyond the walls of the skilled nursing facility which is now her home.

I hope she is someplace surrounded by the memories of my Dad.
And, the love they shared.
And, the years they had together.
And, their standing together to meet the challenges and joy of raising three sons and going to college and receiving degrees and fashioning careers and providing for their family.

I hope she is surrounded by memories of her children and grandchildren and her great-grandson. I hope their voices and laughter and presence fill her heart.

I hope she is lost in the love which surrounds her.

Thanksgiving

Family gathered.
23 in all.
Sleeping on couches.
And in corners.
And on blow up mattresses in the basement.
Each taking turns in the kitchen.
Preparing the food.
Washing the dishes.
Preparing more food.
Washing more dishes.
There was laughter.
And, tears.
And conversations.
And games.
And a feast spread out on the table.

But, the best part of Thanksgiving
Was playing in the leaves.
Donated by the backyard maple tree.
Carpeting the ground.
Raked into a pile.
Jumped in.
Tossed into the air.
Laid down in
While small hands buried me in the smell of fall.
We pretended while we played.
We were leaf monsters.
Or sharks.
Or whatever else a young mind could see in that pile of leaves.

Maybe the next time we play.
It will be in the snow.
Or in the sand.
Or in a fort constructed out of blankets and pillows.
Who knows?
But I know this.
Wherever.
Whenever.
We will let our imaginations run wild.
Loose upon the world.
Changing leaves to the ocean.
And today into some promised tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Jason!

Thirty five years ago at about 11:45 pm Central Daylight Savings time my life changed forever. Our first child was born.
I thought I was ready to be a parent.
To be a dad.
To be a family rather than to be a couple.
Little did I know.
I did my best to grow into my new role as a father.
I am still growing into that role.

I know I am who I am today because of my sons.
And, all they have given me and all they have taught me.
I am grateful beyond measure.
Proud beyond measure…of both of them.

Thank you both.
And, happy birthday Jason.

But I Will

He won’t remember.
(After all, he is only 2 ½.)
But I will.
I will remember going for walks with him.
Not just walking, but jumping and hopping our way along.
I will remember our making up names for the horses we saw in the field.
I will remember his laughter as we threw stones into the lake.
Over and over and over again.
I will remember his trust as he held my hand and walked on the log.
And, then jumped off.
Then, running back to the beginning to do it all again.
He won’t remember any of those things.
But I will.

All those memories are a gift.
Held in trust as I watch him grow up.
Maybe all memories are that.
And, that way.
A gift.
Gently and carefully held by those who love us.
A sacred reminder of who we are.
And where we have been.
And, of those who have held our hand along the way.

Generations

My Dad’s immediate family was small.
His Mom and Dad.
Two sons.
My Dad and my Uncle.
My grandparents died many years ago.
Both relatively young.
My father died a year ago.
My Uncle died this week.
My Dad and my Uncle were children of the Depression.
My Uncle was in the army during World War II.
My Dad was in the Air Force during the Korean War.
As I get ready to drive to Pittsburgh where I grew up and where they lived their entire lives, I am aware that a generation, on that side of my family, is now gone. Memories remain, of course, but the flesh and blood connection to that time and that part of my family’s history is no more.

I search for words to describe what I am feeling.
I am sad for that which is fading away.
I am aware of the passing of time.
And, of my own mortality as I am now that oldest generation.
The place which was theirs for so many years.

Gratitude

I say it a lot.
Maybe because I need to remember it myself.
That Thank you is our first and best prayer.
And, gratitude transforms our lives and the lives of those around us.
So, today…
Here are ten things for which I am grateful.

The doctors and medical staff who could repair my shoulder and keep me from being partially disabled.
For my dog who pushes her nose under my hand and her body onto my lap.
For this afternoon’s nap.
For all those who added their piece that we could provide a safe place to sleep for those in our community who needed it this winter.
For my children who are wonderful parents and partners and amazing young adults.
For the luxury of dreaming about tomorrow.
For the students who we will meet this week and consider for a college scholarship. Students who have overcome so much and yet have the courage to reach for a better tomorrow.
For my wife, who in more ways than I can name sustains my life.
For being here today.
For this next breath….right now.

What are the ten things you would put on your list today?

Tags

Several things I believe: