I am worn out from doing.
The right things.
The needed things.
The important things I remind others to do.
I am worn out from doing all the things on my To Do list
Written down there so I won’t forget.
Sitting in the backyard
Watching while the darkness
Crept into the space left empty by the receding light
I realized I need to learn to sit still…again.
To be quiet long enough
I need a snow day.
With enough snow to force everyone to stay home and to focus on a fire in the fireplace or making a snowman in the backyard. Then, I can put on my boots and walk through the quiet of the Village. Across the driveway from our house to the church and have the whole place to myself.
To light the Advent candles and to sit for a moment in the sanctuary.
To read and to think about the texts for Sunday and for Christmas Eve.
No telephone calls.
No email notifications.
Only the solitude and the quiet.
Pulling me deeper.
And, gently turning me in the direction of Christmas.
For some time now I have felt tired.
Bottom of the barrel tired.
Counting down the days until vacation and a chance to rest.
And feel like me, again.
So, here I am.
With those days I had been waiting for now in front of me.
Yes, there are projects to do and books on my list to read.
But, maybe more than anything else, what I need is unwind enough so I can sit still and be quiet and to allow the day I have to unfold as it will.
There is nothing new about what I am about to write.
Nothing that those who are smarter than me or wiser than me have not known and been saying for years. Nothing new even for me.
Just forgotten in the push and pull of life.
Here is what I mean.
I am usually the first one up in our home.
Even the dog watches to make sure I am getting up before she uncurls and gets up as well. I usually have an hour or so to myself before my wife gets up. I let the dog out. Make coffee. Have breakfast. Read the paper. Check email. Pretty routine. Maybe for you, as well. But yesterday was a bit different. And because it was I began to remember what I had forgotten.
Here’s what happened.
Everything went along as usual until I went to let the dog in.
It was one of those beautiful mornings.
Warm enough to be outside.
Cool enough not to be hot.
One of those days in the Northeast you want to bottle for the middle of summer or the middle of winter. Instead of calling the dog, I took my cup of coffee and sat down. For ten minutes I just sat.
Not shaking my head about the headlines in the paper.
Not figuring out which early morning emails to keep and which to delete.
Not checking my list for the day.
Today is back to normal.
At one point a couple hours ago I realized I had a headache.
Here is what I think may be true.
How we start our day sets the tone for our day.
Rushed. Our day will be that way.
Stressed by emails or news. Our day will be that way.
A few minutes of quiet.
A few minutes to appreciate the sunshine.
Or, the rain.
Or, the cup of coffee in my hand.
Maybe we will appreciate the moments in the rest of our day as well.
I am going to give it a try.