Sometimes I just need a quiet space.
Long after everyone else has gone home.
No one else around me.
Dog asleep beneath my desk.
Trying to put words on a page.
The old fashioned way with pen and paper.
Reaching back through the day
Pushing my way through a crack in my everyday amour
To see beneath the surface
Of what you see when you see me
Of what I see when I look in the mirror.
To catch a glimpse for a moment
Of who and how I really am.
I am worn out from doing.
The right things.
The needed things.
The important things I remind others to do.
I am worn out from doing all the things on my To Do list
Written down there so I won’t forget.
Sitting in the backyard
Watching while the darkness
Crept into the space left empty by the receding light
I realized I need to learn to sit still…again.
To be quiet long enough
I need a snow day.
With enough snow to force everyone to stay home and to focus on a fire in the fireplace or making a snowman in the backyard. Then, I can put on my boots and walk through the quiet of the Village. Across the driveway from our house to the church and have the whole place to myself.
To light the Advent candles and to sit for a moment in the sanctuary.
To read and to think about the texts for Sunday and for Christmas Eve.
No telephone calls.
No email notifications.
Only the solitude and the quiet.
Pulling me deeper.
And, gently turning me in the direction of Christmas.
For some time now I have felt tired.
Bottom of the barrel tired.
Counting down the days until vacation and a chance to rest.
And feel like me, again.
So, here I am.
With those days I had been waiting for now in front of me.
Yes, there are projects to do and books on my list to read.
But, maybe more than anything else, what I need is unwind enough so I can sit still and be quiet and to allow the day I have to unfold as it will.