Tag: sadness

Sadness

It may be that it is almost the middle of February and the length of winter in Vermont is beginning to push in on me. Maybe it is that, even though the sun is shining today, over the last four months or so there have been more gray days than sunny days. Maybe it is because it is still dark when I get up in the morning and the shades are pulled and the lights are turned on well before we sit down for dinner.

But maybe it is something more.
Maybe it is because at the age I am, this sense of sadness is just a part of life as it is.
Sadness over the loss of friends and loved ones who laughed with me and grew up with me and walked alongside me. Sadness over the all to regular news of cancer or stroke or illness of friends and loved ones who are my age. Sadness as I grapple to come to terms with the reality that life is finite. That my life is finite.

This is not about regrets.
Or a lack of gratitude.
Or some sense of anger or resentment.
This sadness is something different.
Something I have not felt in this way before.
As I live with it and, today try to put words around it
I wonder if maybe sadness is a cousin to gratitude.
I will have to sit with that thought for a while.

In the meantime
I will put on my shoes and walk through town with my dog.
And a bit later, I will meet a friend and we will spend a couple hours skiing together.
And later still, I will sit down to dinner with my wife and before we eat we will reach our hands across the dining room table and say Thank you.
Thank you for the day.
Thank you for each other and for the time and opportunities we have.
Thank you for our family and friends.
Thank you.
And alongside our thank you we will remember.

All I See Right Now

Today, O God
I ask for a rainbow.
Or something.
Some small sign that goodness will prevail.
And decency.
And compassion.
And kindness.
Some sign that the flood waters
And the chaos
Are not permanent.
That the harm we are doing
To each other
And to ourselves
Does not have
Will not have
The final word.

I ask for a rainbow, O God
Because all I see right now
Feel right now
Are the waves
Crashing around
And into
The leaky boat which is my life.
Our lives.

For All the Saints

A saint died today.
Not one of those you pray to or who is assigned to a particular day or for whom you light a special candle.

This was one of those saints who served on the school board and who watched out for neighbors. A saint who was more worried about how you were doing than how she was doing even through these last several months when she was not doing very well herself. This was a saint who knew your name and whose commitment to the community helped to hold the community together. A saint who willingly did the work not worrying about where the spotlight was shining or who got the credit as long as what needed to get done got done.
A saint who spoke her mind.
A saint who loved her family.
A saint who cried at the brokenness of the world around her.

A saint died today.
And, a friend.
And a hole tore open in my heart.

I Don’t Know What To Say

For the last hour I have tried to put words to what I am feeling.
And, to what I see happening.
And, to its potential impact on the lives of so many.
Especially those who are the most vulnerable or who have born the weight of our prejudice and hatred for so long. The words and actions of so many of our elected officials (I first wrote leaders and then realized that was the wrong word) runs counter to everything I tried to model and to teach my children as they grew up.

So, my prayer today is this.
That, in the days to come, I may have the courage to live fiercely.
And, to hold onto those core values of respect and integrity.
And, that in my daily living and my interactions with others, I may practice kindness and show compassion and seek understanding and do my small part to make the world a better place for all.

Sadness

I am sad today.
We received word this morning that a person who has been a part of our congregation/community is dying.
For those who know her and love her, all this is happening too soon and too fast.
She had too much life left even as her life has slipped away.
There are no right words to say.
Nothing to be said or done that will make it all better.
Just sadness.

I go through the motions of what needs to get done…
Identifying mentors for our Confirmation program.
Planning for our Interfaith Thanksgiving service.
Jotting down thoughts for my message on Sunday.
Each task swallowed up in the emptiness of the moment.

All I can really do is allow my heart to be broken just a bit;
And to pray without having to trust in words.

Tags

Several things I believe: