Fragility

Being a pastor, I have officiated at my fair share of funerals.
Some of those I was able to maintain an emotional distance.
Some of them I fought my way through with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat.
And, I have faced serious illness myself.
A number of years ago I developed a blood infection which went undiagnosed for a number of months until it damaged a heart valve. I ended up having open heart surgery which, the doctor acknowledged, was traumatic for me and my family, but routine (thankfully!) for him.
But today is different.
My father who has always been the strong, silent type is becoming more frail.
Steps have slowed and speech is slurred.
The MRI indicates he did not have a stroke, but other than that we are not sure of what is happening. He has another doctor’s appointment tomorrow.

Moments like this bring me face to face with mortality.
My father’s.
My own.
It is a hard place to stand.