Fatigue

Like you
I am weary.
I am tired of remembering to pick up a mask each time I walk out the door.
I am tired of watching where I am walking and where you are walking and of crossing the street so we don’t pass each other too close together.
I am tired of concentrating each time I walk into a store.
I am tired of the daily count of those who are infected.
And those who are hospitalized.
And those who have died.
I am tired of pandemic politics.
I am tired of worrying about the small shop owner around the corner.
I am tired of hand sanitizer.
I am tired of not being able to see my kids and my grandkids.
I am tired of the wariness with which I live each day.
And, by all accounts you are too.
I see countless articles and advice on how to take care of yourself.
And to take care of your children.
And to take care of each other.
All of that, and more, is real.
Too real.
And, it saps energy.
And strength.
And creativity.
And vitality.
And life.
I wonder why I feel so tired even after a decent night’s sleep.

But here is something I have realized.
I/We have been living with this for 10 months.
10 months.
What if you had been living with this for 10 years.
Or all of your life.
Not the pandemic necessarily
But the daily stress of not enough which saps what energy you have.
The daily stress of wariness with which you live if you skin is any color but white.
The daily stress of being alone.
Closed in.
Cut off.
For whatever reason.
By whatever circumstance.
Which slowly drains the strength and vitality and life right out of you.
How would that affect your living?
Your outlook?
Your desire to get up in the morning?

In no way do I want to minimize the stress and fatigue which all of us feel.
It is real.
And hard.
And life-threatening.
We have been living with it for 10 months.
With, maybe, another 10 months to go.
But, some have been living with a similar stress and a similar fatigue their whole lives.
I realize I need to pay attention to that as I get ready for tomorrow.