A week or so ago, when Mitt Romney was campaigning in Michigan, he made the remark that no one had yet asked to see his birth certificate.  It was an obvious reference to the those who continue to claim that President Obama, despite all evidence to the contrary, is not an American citizen and therefore has no right to be President.  When Mr. Romney was asked about why he said what he did he replied, “It was only a joke.” And, when there continued to be push back about what he said, the response was something like, “Can’t they take a joke?”

It is only a joke.
Except for when it is not.
How often has that excuse been used to justify teasing or taunting or bullying?
Can’t they take a joke?
How often has that excuse been used to reinforce stereotypes about and for young women? Can’t they take a joke?
How often has that excuse been used to justify how we speak about gays and lesbians or nerds or geeks? Can’t they take a joke?
The answer is, “No, they can’t.”
Because what we excuse as a joke is really a demeaning insult.

I think (hope?) that we have learned something about how “jokes” like that hurt others. In our schools, we are much more aware of and sensitive to the issue of bullying even if we cannot stop it completely. In the workplace we are much more conscious of how language can create what others perceive as an uncomfortable, even hostile, work environment.
But the jokes persist.
A throw away line on the campaign trail.
A lunchroom comment in the middle school cafeteria.
The hallway remark as a colleague walks by.
All of which reinforce stereotypes and prejudices and pre-defined roles.

Sometimes…
Maybe even most of the time…
What we say needs to be measured not by what we meant, but how others hear and understand our words.
It’s only a joke…
Except for when it is not.