This afternoon I sat on the porch and read a book ending my vacation in the same way I began it. Yes. I did more than sit and read.
There were walks in the woods and kayaking on the lakes and time with friends.
There were day trips to places we had not been before.
And another couple of days spending time in a place which holds wonderful memories for me and longer, more meaningful memories for my wife. But, even if I had just sat on the porch and read and looked at the mountains and watch it grow dark in the evening, it would have been enough. More than anything else what I needed was to press the pause button.
To stop.
To sit.
To be quiet.
To think.
I am grateful for the days just past.
They were and are just what I needed.
Vacation. Finally.
For some time now I have felt tired.
Bottom of the barrel tired.
Worn thin.
Empty.
Used up.
Counting down the days until vacation and a chance to rest.
And recharge.
And feel like me, again.
So, here I am.
With those days I had been waiting for now in front of me.
Yes, there are projects to do and books on my list to read.
But, maybe more than anything else, what I need is unwind enough so I can sit still and be quiet and to allow the day I have to unfold as it will.
Remembering…
The past week or so has been spent with family.
First, my wife and I spent nearly a week with my parents at the Jersey shore.
That has been followed by several days with my wife’s father and sister.
Among the things we have done with them is to take a day to visit the family cottage which is located on a lake in New Hampshire. Both places – Jersey shore and New Hampshire – are places where we vacationed for many years when our children were younger. Besides walking the beach or along the lake, we enjoyed ice cream from our favorite ice cream store. We took pictures of the places where we played miniature golf. We walked through the family cemetery. We sat for a moment and watched the waves or took in the beauty of the lake with the mountains as the backdrop. And, we retold stories that often began with the words “Remember when…”
For those few days, time turned back on itself.
I was a young man again with young children who laughed with joy as they jumped the waves or swam in the lake. My parents and my wife’s father were years younger again as they retraced steps in places real not only today, but real, also, in their memories of days gone by.
At least for me the experience was not one of nostalgia.
Of wishing for “the good old days.”
But one of remembering…
Which is more about the journey from then to now and of honoring and holding onto those experiences which both shaped our family then and holds our family together today.
For all of it I am deeply grateful.
For the waves and the lake and the ice cream and the cottage and the cemetery and the loons and…
For the time together…
Both then and now.
Deep Breath
Most Sunday mornings at this time I am in my office at the church where I am the pastor getting ready to open the doors and to welcome those who gather and to do what I can to create a space of thoughtfulness, encouragement and community. But, this morning I am sitting on my front porch looking at a stone wall I built four or five years ago. As much as I value the community which gathers each Sunday morning, I am increasingly aware of my need to carve out space and to step back from the week in/week out routine and to do…well, to do nothing. Not only are moments like this restorative, but they are also both a reminder and a chance to practice. A reminder of just how important such moments are in helping me maintain my balance and perspective. And practice, so that when vacation is over and I am at my desk rather then on the front porch, because I have paid attention and practiced today I can remember to pause in the midst of the responsibilities and the busyness of the day to take a deep breath.