I Feel Guilty

I have let others down.
Those who were counting on me.
I have acted in ways which hurt other people.
Either by what I did.
Or, by what I did not do.
Maybe I have hurt you.
If so, I am sorry.

I have tiptoed around honesty.
I have spoken words I wish I could take back.
And have been too timid to speak the words which needed to be said.
My silence has protected me.
But made it harder for you.
I have hid behind being too tired.
Or too busy.
Or pretending it is not my problem.
Or it is someone else’s turn.

Too often I have not been my best self.
The self I know I should be.
The self I want to be.
The self I encourage others to be.
Treat others the way you would like to be treated.
The words are easy.
Living them is hard.
I have failed as often as I have succeeded.
Have I pushed you aside to make room for me?
Pushed you down to make myself stand out?
If I am honest, the answer is Yes.

I wish there were more do overs.
So I could do it better.
Or undo what I have done.
But if there were,
Would my second chance be any better?
Or, any different?

I am ashamed of how I have sometimes acted.
I feel guilty for some things I have done.
And, other things I have not done.
Today, I wonder…
Do they?