In direct and indirect ways, the issue of race has pushed its way back to the surface of our awareness in both our country and in the community in which I live. On the plus side, recent events have lead to many open and honest conversations in which people have tried to listen and to understand one another. On the less than positive side, it has led to charges of race baiting and of being a racist that have been hurled back and forth across the room and the community.
As those conversations have unfolded, a friend and colleague sent me a list entitled 13 Skills for Culturally Competent Conversations. The list provides helpful reminders for any of us who find ourselves tackling or moderating challenging conversations. As I read through the list, one skill jumped out at me. Lean into discomfort.
Gulp.
While my head knows that skill is necessary, my gut revolts.
It is HARD, at least for me, to lean into that discomfort.
My initial, reaction in moments like that, is either fight or flight.
Either to lay blame or to run away.
Standing in the midst of that tension and conflict long enough and with enough openness for learning to occur or a deeper understanding to emerge is hard work. It goes against some basic instinct buried deep within me.
Lean into the discomfort.
One of the things I am learning is that when I begin to feel that discomfort it is a sign for me to pay attention.
To pay attention because what is being discussed or debated or shouted about is important.
Some raw nerve has been touched that needs to be better understood.
Lean into the discomfort.
Hard as that is for me, there is no other way forward.
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